It’s Only EVER About You

February 1st, 2011 by Patty Bear

It’s only ever about you may sound self-centered, but I’m really talking about how you hold your experiences in life.  It’s so tempting to think that “if so and so would just do something different …” then I would have more confidence, more time, more peace, more happiness, more success….  And, on and on, it goes.

I grew up reading some wonderful children’s stories, among them Brer rabbit and the tar baby.  Brer fox lays a trap for Brer rabbit with a cute little tar baby he makes and places in the middle of the road for rabbit to find.  When Brer rabbit comes upon the tar baby he doffs his hat and says a polite “good morning, fine weather we’re having”.  The tar baby says nothing.   Brer rabbit, slightly annoyed tries again, “how are you doing this fine morning?”  Again no response.  Fuming at the rudeness, Brer rabbit says louder, “Ahem, I said, how are you doing this fine morning?”  Getting still no response from the tar baby, Brer rabbit loses his temper and begins kicking and punching the tar baby.  First one hand, then the other, and then both legs and his head become firmly stuck to the tar baby.

When we think that someone else needs to behave a particular way in order for us to be happy, we get caught up in their choices and become stuck.  We can’t move –  literally because we’ve already decided that the problem is what so and so is doing – or not doing.  They are our tar baby.  And because we’re so focused on our irritation, anger, outrage, resentment, exasperation, etc we don’t see all of the choices that we do have to create our experience: go around, ignore, say a pleasant hello, be unattached to the response …..

It’s only EVER about you and what YOU choose.
Who’s your tar baby?



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